Navigating “Gramnesia” This Holiday Season

(NewsUSA) - “Gramnesia,” a popular portmanteau term coined from the words “grandparents” and “amnesia," is taking the internet by storm, including a recent mention in the HuffPost. The term describes unsolicited advice from grandparents and older generations about parenting today, given by those who seem to forget some of the more challenging parts of raising young children. Phrases such as “We never had to force you to eat your vegetables,” or "You never cried this much," are common examples of “Gramnesia.”

With the holiday season on the horizon, many millennial or Gen Z parents may feel anxiety or dread about unsolicited advice during more extended family visits. Here are a few helpful tips to keep in mind when navigating generational differences:

1. Respecting everyone is essential. From the youngest child to the oldest individual present, it is crucial to maintain respect for all. Whether you’re feeding a child, helping them nap, or providing comfort, everyone wants to be treated respectfully. Try to pause before offering a rebuttal to unsolicited parenting advice. You have the option to respond to the “Gramnesia”-related comments right away, later in the day, or via phone or text after the visit concludes. Setting boundaries is completely acceptable; just ensure they are communicated respectfully and thoughtfully. The classic advice, “Treat others the way you want to be treated," applies here.
2. Embrace the differences. The concept of “Gramnesia” could extend beyond mere forgetfulness and reflect more on the expectations shaped by different generations and cultures. Second generation immigrants, blended and same-sex families might experience different journeys compared to their family’s previous generations. However, in many multigenerational households, people find their place by embracing a variety of expectations, leading to mutual compromises. With a little flexibility, it’s possible to navigate the challenges together. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution, it’s okay to gently remind everyone that this is your child, and you’re simply doing what feels right for them.
3. Define the common goal. It’s okay to pose questions in return, asking what the advice-giver meant by the comment they made. New parents may feel judged, while grandparents may feel dismissed. Open dialogue is needed to find common ground and meet the child's needs. For instance, grandparents inquiring about rice cereal or formula may only be wanting to ensure the baby is well-fed, not criticizing the parent’s preference to exclusively breastfeed.
4. Use expert points of view to help navigate the circumstances. Child psychology and brain science have advanced in recent decades. Older generations might not be familiar with today’s recommendations and may need a refresher on today’s research or methods.
5. Children can sense the vibe of the room. If you’re tense and find the emotional temperature is rising, chances are your child can pick up on that feeling, and some children may respond with their own attention-grabbing behaviors. If you feel overwhelmed or overstimulated, lessen the impact of those feelings on your child by removing yourself from that room or area and taking a few deep breaths. Once you’ve managed your emotions, think about expressing your feelings regarding the comment. Use this chance to apply all the previous suggestions by establishing clear boundaries and ensuring that everyone is respected as you work towards a shared objective.

For more parenting or holiday-related tips, visit KinderCare.com.